Odd Behaviour
by TwinTrouble
Summary: Sakura is worried about her teammates. They've been behaving very strangely... No pairings.
1. One

A/N: Twin1: Recently, we've noticed that we have a _lot_ of much loved, multi-chapter stories just sitting on our computers, being ignored because we didn't know how they'd be received. So, we've decided to put up a pilot chapter, just to test the waters and judge if the stories are worth putting up in their entireties. Your feedback will help us decide the most important question –

Twin2: To update or not to update. To write or not to write. To flog brother with a barbed whip for stealing notebook or not to flog brother with a-

Twin1: Yes, thank you, sister. Hush. So, the deal is, you tell us if you like this, we respond as you ask. This only works if you review, but whatev. If you don't, we'll just take your vote as a 'don't like it'.

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* * *

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**Odd Behaviour**

Sakura was worried about her team mates. It was as simple as that. Ever since they'd come back from Wave, they'd been acting as though they were worst enemies – worse than worst enemies; as if the very existence of one offended the other.

It was very worrying.

Sakura had hoped that their adventure with Zabuza might cure them of a bit of their animosity, but if anything it seemed to have made it worse.

She waited hesitantly on the red bridge, ready for another day of cajoling the boys to try and get them to work together. Sasuke had arrived a few moments ago, and was leaning against the rail off to her left.

Naruto showed up after a couple more minutes. Sakura frowned at him. There was something… different.

Orange. That was it. His outfit had changed. He was wearing a black jacket with orange strips, rather than that neon orange jumpsuit that was his norm. Weird…

"Hey, Sakura," he said a little _too_ casually. Sakura frowned at the chuckle in his tone. Surely he wasn't _laughing_ at her, right? His blue eyes slid past her to Sasuke, and she tensed, praying that there wouldn't be a fight.

"Hello, Bastard," Naruto said cheerfully.

"Hello, Dipshit," Sasuke returned instantly. "What took you so long?"

"Hey! I can be late if I want to!" Naruto retorted, slipping past Sakura and leaning against the rail next to Sasuke. "I'm just a kid, remember?"

"Sure, cheater," Sasuke grumbled. Naruto grinned.

"Your insults are rather lacking today. Is someone hung over?"

"Oh, that is such a fucking bad joke," grumbled Sasuke, glaring daggers at Naruto. Sakura was personally amazed that the Uzumaki didn't wither and die under the force of such a glare.

Naruto seemed unaffected. He just grinned wider. "Really? I'm sorry. I'll try to be serious. Perhaps you are tired from training? Sore from various bruises or wounds that have yet to heal? Suffering from chakra exhaustion?"

"Okay, shut up now." Sasuke's voice held a deadly warning. Naruto chuckled, but was stopped from further prodding (Sakura wasn't sure what he'd said to annoy her crush, but whatever) by the arrival of Kakashi.

"Yo," the jounin said, materializing on the arch above them.

"You're late!" Sakura shouted at him.

"Hey, Sensei!" Naruto shouted, overly happy for some reason. Sasuke 'hn'ed.

"Hey, Kakashi," he said lightly, his expression not… not friendly _exactly_, but it was definitely not a scowl.

Kakashi frowned at the odd greeting. "Are you two feeling alright?" he asked. The boys both nodded pleasantly.

"Yeah, we're fine," Naruto answered for both of them, unusually serene. "Better than we've been in a long time."

There was a long, confused pause. Sasuke rolled his eyes and banged Naruto upside the head.

"Idiot," he said conversationally. Naruto gave a gurgling cry of protest and put his hands up to rub at his golden head.

"No fair, Sasuke-teme!" he shouted. "Ow!"

"Suck it up, dobe. You call yourself an AN – ninja?"

Naruto suddenly grinned, amused for some reason, and stuck out his tongue cheekily. He looked around at the little circle, rocking happily on this toes as he did so.

Sakura felt a moment of irrational nervousness when his gaze locked on her and sharpened.

"Sakura!" he said, musing. "You know, I'd forgotten… you really are a cute kid, you know?"

Goodbye, nervousness. Hello, _extreme irritation_.

"Dammit, Naruto! I'm not going out with you!" Sakura shouted. She was totally unprepared for the look of disgust that passed over the blonde's face.

"Ich. Sorry, 'Kura. I don't date twelve-year-olds." He degenerated into muttering, and Sasuke rolled his eyes again.

Kakashi chose this moment to jump down beside the genin. He subtly swept his arm out and pressed his wrist against the closest boy's (Naruto's) forehead. He didn't _seem_ to have a fever…

"Kakashi, don't baby him," Sasuke said sternly. "He's a capable ninja in his own right. You don't have to treat him like he's three. Are you going to give us our mission or not?"

"Um…" Kakashi was baffled by the change in behaviour. Yes, he'd hoped that the boys would start working together, but this was a bit much. Ninja paranoia tugged at the back of his mind. Were these even the same boys? Were they imposters? That could be very bad.

Sweeping aside the possibility of completing the mission he'd been planning today, Kakashi shook his head and smiled, closing his eye so that the smile would be conveyed despite the fact that the was wearing a mask.

"Nope!" he said happily.

There was a very long pause.

"What," Sakura said in a very dangerous voice. Sasuke chuckled, and for once she turned on him. "What are you laughing at?" she demanded. Then she realized what she'd done, and paled. "Oh Sasuke-kun! I'm so sorry! I-"

"You can't do killer intent yet," he interrupted. "But you're trying so hard. It's almost… cute."

And thus Sakura was rendered useless for the next eight hours, having just heard _Sasuke-kun_ call her _cute_! Or, call her killer intent cute, but that counted!

Kakashi sighed as he watched Sakura blush tomato-red and go about as wobbly as cooked spaghetti. Well, she was a lost cause.

Stupid teenage hormones.

"You have a free day," he said dully, watching Naruto help Sakura to the ground as her knees gave out. Sasuke was smirking, looking overly pleased with himself.

Since when was he so sadistic?

"YES!" Naruto shouted, pumping his fists into the air. "Day off! Let's get drunk!"

"No, dobe," Sasuke said instantly. "You're twelve, remember?"

Naruto blinked big blue eyes at him for a moment, and then shook his head. "Shit."

They trotted off side-by-side, Kakashi and Sakura looking after them incredulously.

_Huh_?

* * *

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, stepping over a pile of dirty washing and empty ramen cups. "Your apartment is filthy."

"Hey, I'm only twelve, gimme a break!" Naruto snapped, then tripped over an upturned basket. "Although I didn't actually think it was _this _bad…"

"Is that a dead rat?" Sasuke stared at the kitchen counter from the doorway with a look of disgust firmly in place. "And what the heck is that?"

"Eh heh heh…" Naruto rubbed his head sheepishly. "I kind of try not to go into the kitchen… the food's over here, and I use a kettle from there…"

"You avoid the kitchen?"

"The meatloaf's been trying to kill me for years!" the blonde complained. "And let's just not get started about the peanut butter. Are vegetables _supposed _to be sentient?"

Sasuke blinked, but was somehow unsurprised. "…Okay. Leave a couple dozen clones, and then we'll go get some weaponry. I feel paranoid without a sword."

"You're _always _paranoid," Naruto informed him as about twenty shadow clones puffed into existence. "Okay, guys, it's your job to clean up this mess!"

"Aw, what?" a single voice complained.

"Alright, you're dead." Naruto snapped his fingers, and the clone vanished. "Any other complaints?"

Dead silence.

"Good. Now get to work!"

The clones all scattered, and Naruto turned to his friend with a grin. "Okay! Let's go!"

"You know, you grow up to be surprisingly sadistic," Sasuke commented as they left the apartment building.

"And you grew up to be a fucking lunatic, you bastard," Naruto returned sharply.

"Dobe."

"Teme!"

The two of them left Naruto's tumble-down apartment, heading across town for the Uchiha complex.

"Sasuke, why are we coming here?" asked Naruto as they arrived. "I hate this creepy ghost town."

"Hn. The armoury. We need some good-quality shit. All your kunai are crap."

"Harsh, Sasuke. Not all of us can afford the best stuff. Hell, I could hardly afford to _eat_, let alone stock up on kunai that actually worked. Plus, no-one would sell me anything even remotely dangerous."

"Oh, cry me a river," Sasuke grumbled, leading the way directly to the Uchiha armoury and applying his blood to the seal holding the door closed. It opened to admit them, and the boys strode inside.

Suddenly, Naruto swore. "OW! Shit…"

"What?" asked Sasuke curiously. Naruto scowled.

"The meatloaf just _bit_ me! It dispelled the clone!"

"Okay, for future reference, dobe," Sasuke said, blowing dust off a set of shuriken and examining them, "When food begins to mutate and attack you, it's too old. _Throw it out_."

"I know that now, Sasuke-teme!" Naruto whined, opening a case of kunai. "Ooh, shiny. Can I have?"

"Hn. Take 'em," Sasuke said, now examining a sword. Naruto grinned and pocketed the kunai. He moved on to a sheaf of exploding tags and scoffed.

"_I_ could make better tags than this," he commented. Sasuke glanced at him, in the middle of searching for a specific type of blade.

"But will you?" he asked. Naruto scowled, but suddenly slapped his hand over his throat and gurgled.

"Ugh… well, the celery just finished off the last of my clones. Just a sec." He rapidly made some more, and sent them off to renew efforts of cleaning his neglected apartment. Sasuke shook his head.

"Add 'shop for groceries' onto our 'to do' list," he said. Naruto wrinkled his nose but nodded anyway.

"Yeah. And…" He sighed heavily. "Some ink and paper. I'll draw up some seals."

Sasuke shook his head. "I've never understood your aversion to seals, dobe. You're really good at them."

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, but they're _boring_. Where's the excitement? I'm more in favour of the fast-paced, exciting ninjutsu-type stuff. Flash-bang-snap-boom! Ka-plosion!"

Sasuke rolled his dark eyes. "You are such an idiot."

Naruto nodded seriously, his happy expression dimming. "I only learnt sealing because it seemed so important to Ero-sannin, anyway. And then because…" He trailed off, but Sasuke didn't press. There was silence for a moment before Sasuke shook his head and strode to a new dusty shelf.

"Come on, dobe. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish."

* * *

Kakashi was going to 'check' on his students. He was very concerned. They were in no way acting like themselves, and he was accordingly coming up with all sorts of paranoid explanations. He arrived at Naruto's apartment in time to hear some kind of ruckus inside.

He pushed inside, not bothering to knock, and was confronted with the odd sight of about a dozen Narutos fending off… was that a cabbage?

Deciding not to ask, Kakashi threw a kunai at the vegetable, the tag he'd attached exploding and splattering them all with rotten green sludge. Well, how else do you kill a vegetable, other than explode it?

The dozen-odd clones all turned to the doorway and spotted the teacher standing there at roughly the same time. They all rushed forwards, and for a second Kakashi thought he was going to be swarmed, but instead they just fell to their knees before him, each clasping their hands before them identically.

"Please dispel us!" they chorused together. "We can't take this! Please! Please dispel us, please!"

Kakashi cocked an eyebrow, looking at all the desperate faces. Then he shrugged.

"Whatever," he said lightly.

* * *

Naruto balked and faltered, dropping the bag of rice he was holding.

With ninja reflexes, Sasuke caught it before it hit the ground and looked down at Naruto – it was weird seeing him so short.

"Problems, dobe?" he asked.

"Kaka-sensei just dispelled all my clones, teme!" the blonde whined. Sasuke's mouth formed something suspiciously like a grin.

"Why would he do that?"

"'Cause he's a bastard," Naruto said amiably, forming a seal. A dozen dejected-looking clones poofed into existence. "Welcome back," Naruto said sarcastically. "Get back to work!"

The clones trooped off miserably, and Sasuke rolled his eyes. They were in the grocery store, collecting much-needed supplies. Once they were done, Naruto turned to Sasuke and said, "What now?"

"We have the rest of the day off," Sasuke commented. "I think we should train."

"You always wanna train, teme!" whined Naruto. "I'm sick of training. Let's do something _fun_. Hm. We're underage, so we can't drink in the bars. The clones haven't finished my apartment yet, so we can't go and drink ourselves stupid there. So that means… let's visit Iruka-sensei!"

Sasuke sighed. "You are such a fucking moron. Is that really the only two things you can think to do with your time?"

Naruto shrugged. "Well, we could always go find the nearest brothel for a quick fu-"

"Go find Iruka," Sasuke interrupted. His companion laughed.

"I thought so," he chortled. He hoisted the paper bag of their purchases higher onto his hip and added, "You wanna come?"

"I have better things to do with my time," Sasuke said stiffly. "Go see your teacher. Get reacquainted."

Naruto's twelve-year-old face lit up and he instantly raced away, heading towards the Academy. Sasuke shook his head.

"What a dobe," he muttered, heading towards the training grounds.

Thirteen minutes later, Naruto poked his head into Iruka's classroom. He smiled upon seeing the chuunin sitting at his desk and bounced inside, ignoring the class that was in progress in favour of glomping his former teacher enthusiastically.

"Naruto!" yelped Iruka, making most of the Academy students look up from their workbooks curiously. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just really, really glad to see you," Naruto said seriously, not letting him go. Iruka frowned, a confused smile still playing about his lips.

"Um, but you saw me just a week or so ago, when you came back from Wave," he pointed out, patting the child's back awkwardly.

"Did I?" Naruto's voice was almost nostalgic. "It seems like so much longer." He finally released his teacher and sank into a chair next to Iruka's. "Can I hang out here for a bit?"

Iruka didn't miss the sad tone, and his face softened considerably. "Sure," he said. Naruto grinned at him.

"Cool. Hey, I'll help you teach, huh? I know what to do – just watch. GET BACK TO WORK!" he hollered at the top of his lungs, glaring at the gawking students. He snatched up a piece of chalk and threw it with ninja accuracy at the nearest one. It hit him right in the middle of the forehead. "STOP FOOLING AROUND!" he added, slamming his fist down on the table. Then he grinned up at Iruka.

"Pretty good, huh, Sensei?" he chuckled. "I did pay attention to you sometimes, huh?"

Iruka couldn't help it. He laughed.

It was good to have Naruto back in town.

For several hours, the class was calm and reasonably quiet. Then, ten minutes before Iruka would release the children for the day, the door to the classroom crashed open with an echoing bang. "Naruto, I'm pregnant!" Sasuke shouted hysterically, barging into the room.

Iruka paled and sat down rapidly. A couple of the girls looked heartbroken; a few kids looked confused; and most of the class looked faintly sick.

Naruto, however, was unmoved. "So?" he said, ticking off the answers on the paper he was grading and flipping it over. "Go tell your boyfriend, then."

Sasuke paused, tapping his chin, before nodding. "Good comeback," he commented, and then walked out again without another word.

Naruto waited until he was out of earshot before cracking up.

Iruka put one shaking hand to his head. "N-Naruto, what was that about?"

The blonde snorted, not trying to stifle his laughter. "He was_ joking_."

"He jokes?" Iruka sounded incredulous – who wouldn't? _The _Sasuke _Uchiha, _playing a practical joke? Especially one like _that?_

"He does now." Naruto flipped another paper, then froze, a look of horror coming over his face. "Wait, you don't actually think me an' Sasuke-teme were – oh, _gross_! Ew! No! Eeeeww!" He paused for breath, looking disgusted and shocked.

Iruka sighed in relief. "Thank goodness."

* * *

"Whoaaa."

"Hn."

Naruto and Sasuke stood in the doorway of Naruto's now-sparkling apartment. Naruto backtracked to check the number on the door and make sure he had the right unit.

It seemed that there was no mistake, so he came back inside and looked around his living room again, mouth falling open in wonder.

It wasn't a large apartment or a particularly well-furnished one, with a living room, bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, laundry and not much else. However, Naruto had never seen the place without a good foot and a half of crap over every surface, so it seemed huge to him.

Sasuke smirked. "Much better," he grunted, making to move further into the house, but Naruto grabbed him and pointed.

"Teme, what's that doing there?" he said. Sasuke arched an eyebrow.

"That's a rug."

"I know that, but what's it doing on my living room floor?" Naruto sounded dumbfounded. Sasuke just scoffed and moved further inside, exploring.

Naruto strayed to the kitchen door and stopped short, giving a surprised cry that brought Sasuke to his side in an instant.

"Teme! What the hell is _that_ thing?" Naruto screeched, pointing. Sasuke followed the finger… and actually chuckled.

"Now _that_ I can imagine you not knowing about," he commented. "That, dobe, is a new invention called a _dishwasher_."

"I have a dishwasher? No shit?" Naruto was shocked. "I didn't know that. What's it do?"

"What do you think it does?" Sasuke asked, placing the groceries he was still carrying on the counter. Naruto flushed and put down his own bag.

"Shut the fuck up, you!" he growled. "I'm gonna go check the clones' wards."

Sasuke grunted as Naruto left, and exactly eighteen seconds later sighed as Naruto shouted in surprise.

"Let me guess; you found the ironing board," he shouted, leaning out of the kitchen. There was a pause, and then an embarrassed-sounding Naruto shouted back, "No, but I found a room I didn't know existed. This can be your room, Sasuke-bastard."

"Deal," Sasuke called, not questioning the fact that Naruto could be unaware of a whole room of the apartment he lived in. He _was_ a dobe, after all…

Sasuke began to put the groceries away, a soft smile playing about his lips.

It was good to be back.


	2. Two

Twin2: And now this thing has a _plot. _Geez.

Twin1: Aw, come on, it's not much of one…

Twin2: I saw the effort that went into this. What have I told you about plots for crack stories?

Twin1: …theyescapebutthatdidn'thappenthistime!

Twin2: I am NOT helping if this goes the way of Art of Innocence.

-?-

**Odd Behaviour: Two**

Naruto opened his eyes groggily and stared at the white ceiling in confusion. Where was he? The bed beneath him was bumpy and uncomfortable, but still way better than his Stone Lump he'd spent the last three years sleeping on.

Oh, yeah.

He was home.

He groaned and rolled out of bed, hearing several loud noises coming from the kitchen.

He stumbled out into said room, mostly blind by the fact that he was still eighty-five percent asleep and fifteen percent dozing. He made it to the table and slumped into a chair, trying to open his eyes.

He heard a vaguely familiar chuckle.

"Is someone not a morning person?" chortled this familiar voice.

"Shud up, Rav'n," Naruto muttered, his words slurring and head drooping. The other person chuckled again, and Naruto smelt something wonderful.

"Coffee?" he said hopefully, rising his head.

"That's right," the other person said almost seductively. "And it's all mine."

Naruto reached for a kunai, found one somewhere in his sleeping gear in a matter of seconds – so _that's_ where that bruise came from – and snarled, "_Give me coffee or I'll hurt you_."

"Okay, okay." Another snide chuckle, and a hot cup was shoved into Naruto's hand.

The blonde raised it to his lips mechanically and tasted coffee – _yes coffee thank you Kami coffee coffee rich black coffee yum caffeine coffee hey wait a second why doesn't this have sweetener stupid teme probably his fault ah well it's coffee_ – and smiled as the caffeine did its job.

He opened his eyes and looked around his sparkling kitchen. It was his, right? Yes, it was his. The clones had cleaned it for him. He remembered now.

"So, does it live?" the coffee-maker asked sarcastically. Naruto rubbed his eyes and grinned at Sasuke.

"Nothing like a little dobe first thing in the morning to make you appreciate living on your own in a haunted Uchiha complex, huh, teme?" he said brightly, suddenly as energized as ever.

Sasuke grunted and moved back to lean against the counter, holding his own mug near his mouth as he watched Naruto with dark eyes.

"So what now, Naruto?" he asked. Naruto frowned.

"Whaddaya mean?" he asked. Sasuke scoffed.

"What do we do now?" he repeated. "What exactly do you want to do here?"

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "Do we really have to decide this right now?" he asked. "We have time – can't we just enjoy being kids for a bit?"

"But we're _not_ kids," Sasuke said agitatedly, pushing away from the bench and dumping his mug and its contents in the sink. "I'm sick of living lies, Uzumaki Naruto."

The words struck something deep inside the blonde at the table. He stared at the back of his long-time best friend. He had moved heaven and earth to keep that friendship once, and yet he hadn't. That would never happen, but it had happened. And he was right, it was the wrong course of action to just sit and pretend they were normal when they weren't.

"You're right," he said softly, "You're right, Raven. You are twenty-three, same as me, despite being born twelve years ago. It's time to grow up. And I know you're impatient. But what exactly do you suggest we do in immediate terms?"

Sasuke shifted but didn't reply, so Naruto dropped the subject, turning back to his coffee and draining the liquid from his mug. He stood and dug out some instant ramen for breakfast.

"Ramen, ramen, ramen," he sang softly, happily, to himself, noticing Sasuke's eye twitching with great amusement.

"Ramen, ramen, ramen," he continued, boiling water instantly by pumping his chakra into the poor defenceless liquid. Sasuke shifted restlessly.

"Ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen," Naruto continued his chant, pouring the water into his instant ramen cup. "Three minutes. That's, what, one hundred and eighty seconds? Damn. Ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Sasuke exploded, clapping his hands over his ears.

"Oh, sorry. Was it annoying you?" Naruto said, the very image of innocence. Sasuke ground his teeth and mentally calculated his chances of killing Naruto and framing someone else.

There was a pause of about ten seconds, and then –

"Ramen, ramen, ramen-"

"Gah!" Sasuke shouted and tackled Naruto around the middle, knocking them both to the floor. After a brief struggle, the Uchiha's superior height and weight won out and he managed to pin his friend, straddling the blonde and trapping his wrists above his head.

He leaned down so that his mouth was an inch from the squirming Naruto's ear and growled, "Stop singing. Or. I. Will. Gut. You. And. Make. It. Look. Like. Suicide."

"Well, well, well. Isn't this cosy?" said a new voice. Both Naruto and Sasuke looked around to see Kakashi standing in the doorway of the kitchen, looking down at them.

There was a pause in which they all stared at each other, before Naruto started to squirm frantically and shout, "Kakashi-sensei! This isn't what it looks like, I swear!" he shouted. "We weren't doing anything, or anything! Sasuke was just threatening to kill me!"

Sasuke realised exactly what this must look like and let Naruto go like he'd been burnt, backpedalling away from his friend and ending up sitting with his back to the bench, unable to retreat further.

"That idea is going to give me nightmares," he complained. "As if you and I would… ew."

"Ew," agreed Naruto, backing up until he hit the wall opposite Sasuke, as far away as he could manage. "Iruka thought the same thing yesterday, teme, but I guess he doesn't know our sick sense of humour. Kakashi, I thought would understand that we fight _all_ the _time_."

Kakashi didn't miss the absence of 'sensei' on both his and Iruka's name. He frowned. He'd come to confront his students. Or, these two who were pretending to be his students, because there was no way this was Naruto and Sasuke. He was determined to get to the bottom of this mess, and if the imposters had hurt his genin, he'd gut them personally.

"Who are you?" he asked bluntly, suddenly too impatient to bother trying to subtly work it out and then arrest them. Besides, blunt usually worked.

The boys blinked up at him in surprise. Then, as one they stood and moved to stand together, forming a united front against the man in the kitchen.

Kakashi reached for a kunai, unwilling to underestimate these two. The grace with which they'd moved and the synchronisation of their movements made him think that these two were probably élite, and the mental alarms that were already blaring went up a notch.

The one who looked like Sasuke chuckled, smirking. "Well, well," he commented quietly. "Kakashi, aren't you clever?"

'Naruto' turned to 'Sasuke'.

"What do you think, teme? It sure would help if we had someone on our side. 'Specially someone like Kakashi."

'Sasuke' shook his head furiously. "No! What the hell are you thinking? We can't tell him!"

"But, Sasuke," Naruto cajoled, "He already suspects us. He knows something's up, and we've only been back two days. I think we need to talk to him. He deserves the truth, if nothing else."

Sasuke scowled and shook his head. "_No_," he insisted. Kakashi looked from one to the other of them as Naruto's face darkened.

"I'm kind of sick of secrets, bastard," he snapped. His friend's dark eyes flashed with anger.

"Welcome to the life of a fucking ninja, dobe!" he snarled. "It's nothing _but_ lies!"

"Sasuke," Naruto's tone had dropped into a low, sad semi-whisper. "I don't want to lose him again without him even knowing…"

Kakashi was beginning to get a bad feeling about this whole situation. What – who – were they talking about? The conversation made no sense.

"I want answers," the jounin spoke up. He was unprepared for the annoyed – not angry or dangerous, just annoyed – looks he got.

"Quiet a moment, Kakashi. Mum and Dad are talking," Naruto said, his eyes on Sasuke. There was a long silence, before Sasuke growled and folded.

"Fine," he grumbled. "Tell him."

"Tell me what?" Kakashi spoke up. He didn't like the way this was playing out. There was something big going on, but these two had yet to admit to being anyone but who they appeared to be. The way they squabbled, calling each other 'dobe' and 'teme' in their agitation and using their given names to underline their seriousness… it all pointed to the idea that they were being honest.

But they couldn't be. This wasn't Nauto and Sasuke. That much he was sure of.

"Who are you?" he said. Naruto sighed.

"Sit down, Kakashi-sensei. This could take a while," he said. Kakashi frowned, but consented to sink onto one of the chairs around the table. The boys sat next to each other, opposite him.

"What's going on?" Kakashi growled. "I want to know who you are and what you've done with my genin."

Naruto chuckled tiredly. "Kakashi-sensei, we _are_ your genin. Naruto and Sasuke."

"No, you're not," Kakashi said flatly. "Stop playing games."

"We _are_," Naruto insisted. "Or, we were."

"Were?" repeated Kakashi. Both boys nodded.

"Eleven years ago," Sasuke commented.

"Sensei, we… listen. Me and Sasuke… we were… we…" Naruto was struggling with words, so Sasuke just spat it out.

"We're from the future," he said flatly.

There was a very long pause. Then Kakashi sighed.

"Okay, maybe it was dumb of me to think you'd just come clean, but I had hoped for some kind of a believable story," he sighed. "I suppose I'll just have to take you into interrogation."

"You can try," Sasuke said darkly.

"Teme!" Naruto growled. "We're twelve, remember? We're back to that lovely time of our lives when Kaka-sensei can kick our butts while reading his porn!"

Sasuke blinked, then shook his head. "Shit, I'd forgotten that," he growled. "_You'll _be fine, but he _can_ flatten me without even trying… fuck!"

Kakashi was greatly disturbed by both the idea that this person was so casually confident that his partner could win a fight with Kakashi and the image of Sasuke admitting openly that hopeless case Naruto was better than the genius Uchiha.

Weird.

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said, and Kakashi didn't miss the tone or the way he suddenly took charge of the situation. "We are telling the truth. We… I am Uzumaki Naruto. That's Uchiha Sasuke. We come from a time… we are twenty-three years old. We're both members of ANBU. His codename is Raven; mine is Fox. We have been part of ANBU for three years, the both of us, and are more at home in our rooms in HQ than in my apartment now. I had room four-one-eight. Sasuke's room was four-one-three. The rooms are on the fourth level underground, the first corridor as they are labelled from left to right, third and eighth room respectively."

Kakashi frowned. Yes, that was a fairly good description of those particular places. The only ones who knew the layout of the ANBU HQ were ANBU members themselves and the Hokage. That was troubling.

It was also true that ANBU members stayed in HQ. That was where they lived, ate, slept and hung out for their whole lives, only leaving to go on missions or to visit town on their days off. When it was permitted.

"You do know I'm not going to believe you, right?" he said. "I'm going to need a lot more proof than a few good guesses. Besides, you sure don't look twenty-three to me."

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other and shrugged. In unison, they brought their hands up into a handsign and said, "Henge."

A cloud of smoke enveloped the both of them, but when it cleared, instead of two pre-teens sitting before him, there were two men in their early twenties.

The one on the left reached up and brushed blonde hair out of his eyes. "This is what we look like as adults. Now, what else can I say to convince you? Hm… Well, I guess I can start with my father? My father was Namikaze Minato, your teacher. My mother was Uzumaki Kushina. They both died the day the Kyuubi attacked. Kyuubi attacked because he wanted to slaughter some Uchihas."

"The Yondaime was your teacher," Sasuke added. "He looked after you after your father committed suicide, unable to handle being hated for rescuing his team mates at the cost of the mission. You used to adhere to the rules so stubbornly that you were one hell of a fucking bastard as a kid. You only realised how wrong you were when your best friend – well, only friend – Uchiha Obito died. He was crushed to death. He gave you that sharingan as a congratulations before he died. He smiled at you and tried to comfort you, even trapped under the bolder like he was."

"His birthday is on the tenth of February. He died on the seventh of October, nearly fourteen years after he was born," Naruto commented. "The last thing he said to you was to plead for you to protect Rin, and you hate the fact that several years later, you couldn't keep that promise and she went missing. He also said that famous-in-our-squad sentence you always quoted to us: 'Those who don't follow the rules are trash, but those who desert their comrades are even worse than trash'. You've never gotten over him. Hm. What else? Jiraiya, one of the three legendary Sannin was… _is_… my godfather, my father's teacher. He is the author of those perverted books you always read. He taught me for a couple of years, you know, when I was a teenager, and I know you always loved it when I stole, begged or borrowed the latest edition off him to give to you, usually before it was even published."

"Yeah, because you were so fond of feeding perverted flames," Sasuke added darkly. Naruto waved him away.

"Shut up, teme! Sensei wanted them, I could get them, why shouldn't I?" he said. Sasuke shook his head, but didn't respond.

Kakashi's head was spinning. Most of this information it was _possible_ they _might_ have been able to find out or guess, but to know _all_ of it was either some mind-bogglingly good reconnaissance or a series of some fucking good guesses.

And he had _never_ told _anyone _that Obito had told him that quote about rules. He had mentioned his promise to protect Rin only to Sensei, and he'd barely even _thought_ about that last, painful smile, let alone shared it with anyone.

"What else, what else… oh, I know! _Rasengan_," Naruto said happily, holding out his left hand as a blue ball of chakra filled it. Kakashi stared at the achingly familiar technique. No one except Jiraiya could do that, and certainly not with such ease in his off-hand.

Not to be outdone, Sasuke quickly gathered his chakra and said, "Chidori."

A familiar twittering filled the room, and Naruto allowed his rasengan to dissipate as Sasuke's hand began to glow. Kakashi's eye widened at the technique – now, that he _knew_ no one else in the world could do. Except him.

"How… how can you do that?" he said hoarsely. Sasuke looked at him with amusement as he let the chakra in his hand die away.

"You taught me, Sensei. About a month from now."

"Why? Why would I teach a thirteen-year-old _that_?" Kakashi sounded almost desperate. Naruto grinned and tugged on Sasuke's shirt.

"Show him your hickey."

Sasuke, to Kakashi's very great surprise, actually flushed. "Shut up, dobe!" he growled, "It wasn't a hickey!"

"I don't know, Sasuke," Naruto said in a teasing tone, "It sure looked like a hickey to _me. _A man bit you, and it left a mark. That's the definition of a hickey."

"Shut up!"

"Of course, hickeys don't usually last eleven years, but you've always been one of a kind." Naruto seemed to be enjoying himself. Sasuke dropped a fist onto the table and leaned close to the blonde.

"I'll kill you," he said in a low, serious voice, "And make it look like an accident."

"You are welcome to try, Sasu-teme," Naruto said smugly.

"Don't call me that!" Sasuke snapped. Naruto tugged on his shirt again.

"Show your teacher your hickey!" he ordered. Sasuke growled, but slipped his shirt down off his shoulder anyway, revealing…

Kakashi felt as though his heart stopped. He recognised that curse mark, even under what looked like two seals that had been applied to contain it.

The Cursed Seal of Heaven.

Orochimaru's mark.

Hell…

A seal had been placed over the top of it, appearing as a simple cross over the three comma marks on Sasuke's flesh, but there was a ring around them that he recognised as a seal he had created.

Suddenly, it was enough.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded. "Why are you here?"

Naruto grinned. "He believes us!" he said triumphantly. Sasuke nodded.

"Took long enough. Okay, Capt'n. You tell him the story."

"Captain?" repeated Kakashi. Naruto's grin widened, but he didn't elaborate.

"Okay. Why did we come back? Well, you see, it's like this…"


End file.
